Becoming a Badass

Feeling Crappy?

How vulnerable are you willing to be to go after the life you want?

I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be a teacher. I don’t know how to be a leader. I don’t know how to market. I don’t know how to spread the word. I don’t know how to be successful. I don’t know how to handle more than I’ve ever been faced with. I don’t know how to balance being a wife, an entrepreneur, a part time worker, a future mother (not pregnant yet, slow down, but the thought is there), a person with a great group of friends, a home owner (again, don’t have it yet, slow down).

All I’ve ever really had going for me is that I get so scared and sad and trapped feeling that eventually I realize I either have to give up and give over to the feeling of a decaying life, or I have to leap. I have to just start trying really hard to do something exciting and worth living for even though it could be the biggest mistake of my life. I could be setting myself up for my biggest embarrassments and failures, but, what other choice do I have?

I can let fear win. I can settle for boredom. I can settle for living in a way that doesn’t feel good, that feels like a slow death, or I can try for something better.

So, I leap. I become really vulnerable. Hell, I’m vulnerable right now. That’s what all those “I don’t know” sentences were about. I’m being vulnerable because I really want to inspire you to be vulnerable. I want to support your vulnerability.

I can’t be the only one who frequently comes to this point of fear. I know I’m not.

You are not alone if you wake up and think, “Is this all there is? Can I survive another day of feeling unattractive, unsuccessful, unpopular, poor, unhappy, unmotivated, too old, not enough, lonely, trapped, bored, like my life is going no where?”

Identify with that list or have additions to the list?

It’s ok. You’re ok. Actually, you’re in a great spot.

You just found your vulnerability point. You just found your pain. You’re staring at your cold hard truth.

You may be all wrapped up in pain and disappointment and fear. It may be all over you, hiding the light and hope. You might be so tightly bound in all these horrible, negative, bad feelings that you feel like you are being slowly choked by your own life. Or, you might just feel a slow, creeping decay. You’re fine, but you feel like you’re on a downward slope. Being taken under a millimeter at a time. You don’t know where you’re headed but you have an inkling that it’s not good. The bad days are starting to out number the good.

Great! Why great? Why an enthusiastic great, at that? Why am I happy for you?

Because you are now primed to make a choice. You can give up. You can accept the horrible feeling, let it take over your life, let it become who you are, someone who doesn’t have hope, ambition, daring, dreams, and a willingness to take the next step or you can be vulnerable.

Vulnerability is looking at your pain, disappointments and fear and saying, “Ok. This is where I’m at. This is what I feel. What do I need to do to feel good again?”

Do you need to ask for a raise? Do you need to work harder at a job that is just ok to get to a job that inspires you? Do you need to apply to a job you are only 30% qualified for but want 170%? Do you need to start working out at a gym even though you’ll jiggle on the treadmill? Do you need to start wearing clothes that make you feel pretty even though you’re scared that you could never be pretty? Do you need to start a blog even though you failed every grammar test in the 7th grade? Do you need to slow down and start making conscious choices instead of drunk choices?

What brave step do you need to take in order to give yourself a shot at the life you want? What do you feel bad about? What’s making you feel ashamed of how you are spending your days? What needs to change?

Where do you need to take a chance and be brave?

Intense questions, but I bet the answers are less scary and huge than you imagine.

You don’t have to be a bazillionaire. You don’t have to be a movie star. You don’t have to be president.

The way I see it, your only responsibility is to feel good about how you spend your days and the life you are creating.

A morning walk, five minutes of meditation, smiling at a stranger, revising a resume, taking a night class, signing up for online dating, speaking up at a meeting, volunteering…

One little step into your vulnerability can set you free.

If you are feeling trapped, bored, depressed, hopeless, whatever, there is a next step. You can either embrace your vulnerability and be brave or you will live trapped by your vulnerability.

I want you to take a chance. I want you to be brave.

Partially, I want this so that I’m not alone in my journey. I have to be brave. I have to keep badassing-up because when I don’t, I feel awful. When I do I’m frequently embarrassed and hurt, but I feel alive. I feel myself growing. I feel progress and I always end up someplace better than I was. I end up proud of myself and the person I’ve become.

Then, the cycle starts again.

But, mainly, I just want to live in a world where people feel good. I want to be inspired by your life. I’m a very sensitive person and I can feel your pain. I think I was born this way because I’m supposed to help you feel better.

I want you to have some good stories to talk about when you get old. I want you to go to work and not zone out. I don’t want you to spend 1/3 or more of your life numbed out, trying to shut it all out until happy hour or vacation.

I want you to wake up, feel a spark inside and think, “Another day, another chance to make my life a little better.”

So, are you willing to be vulnerable? Are you willing to take the next step?

Come on. Do it. Let’s all become badasses together.

I’d love to hear from you. Messages, comments, coming up to me when I’m out and about. What’s your next step? Can I help?

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