Have you ever decided to take control of your life only to have your life explode into chaos and awfulness?
Don’t freak out. Take comfort. Things getting worse is an almost predictable part of things getting better.
Jen Sincero describes this phenomenon beautifully in her book, You are a Badass.
“It’s like when you quit smoking or doing drugs and go into withdrawal. Finally, you’ve taken a leap and done something that’s going to massively improve your life, and for days, sometimes weeks, you feel worse than you did when you were a wild child. You’re hacking up all this nasty crap, ridding your body of toxins, shaking, sweating, puking, wondering why on Earth you thought this was a good idea. It’s really fun.
Same goes for when we rid ourselves of limiting subconscious beliefs that have been holding us back and take a giant leap outside our comfort zone. It’s a detox of such staggering proportions that sometimes it can feel like The Universe is conspiring against us–trees fall on our cars, our computers crash, we find our significant others in bed with our best friends, we get our identities stolen, we get the flu, our roofs cave in, we sit in gum
–when in reality, The Big Snooze [ego, fear, the devil, whatever you call it] is creating chaos in an attempt to self-sabotage and keep everything as is, instead of moving forward into unknown, yet desperately wanted, new territory. Every successful person knows this and has been through this.
When taking great leaps forward, life often turns to shit before it turns to Shinola.”
So, if you’ve taken a big leap and decided to massively improve your life, don’t panic when the shiz hits the fan. It’s part of the deal. Every hero’s journey has trials and tribulations. After all, it’s the hard that makes it great. If it were easy, everyone would do it.
I want to take a quick minute to save you from crazy people. Ever notice how people be crazy? The checkout guy at the grocery store with the attitude? Crazy. The coworker who gave you a dirty look for asking how her weekend was? Crazy.
People will be grumpy at you for NO REASON and that’s crazy!
But let’s be real, we’ve all been there. Our own issues take over our lives and we are crabby at people sometimes for no good reason. It’s crazy! It’s human.
Recently, my friend and yoga teacher, Cameron Barker of Jackson Hole Yoga Therapy, taught me how to drop love bombs and it’s changed my life.
When people are being snotty, crazy and what seems unreasonable, usually it means they are having a really hard time. It’s easy to think, “Forget this crazy person. I shouldn’t have to deal with this.” It’s easy to get angry in response to another person’s anger.
It’s easy, but it won’t get you anywhere good. It will just ruin your day and leave you frustrated. Love bombs on the other hand can change the whole situation.
Dropping a love bomb means responding to someone else’s illogical anger with compassion and concern.
If someone is rude to you for no reason, instead of being rude back, drop a love bomb. Say, “Hey, are you ok?” or “What’s going on?” or “Long day?” or “Frustrating situation, huh?” or any other response that is filled with compassion instead of anger.
A love bomb has the power to diffuse a situation and get you moving forward again. In all likelihood, the angry person will melt into a more relaxed person just because they feel understood and cared about.
If they don’t, at least you didn’t get caught up in their anger and get to continue on with your day unfazed and peaceful.
Try it and let me know how it goes. Drop a love bomb!
Peace, love and badassness,
Ever been tortured by the phrase “follow your passion”? I have!
It’s all well and good if you have one clear, burning, unstoppable passion… but then the passion would be unstoppable and you wouldn’t have to work to follow it. Duh!
What if your passion kinda comes and goes? What if you passion is solid one day and seems to be onto a new topic the next day?
Today, I’ve got a quickie solution for you.
Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, has some really good advice to share with you if the phrase “follow your passion” brings you anxiety instead of comfort. Check it out in the link below.
Hope this helps you have a badass day!
Hey Badass! I know you’re awesome. You know you’re awesome… most of the time, right? Except for when jealously and comparison sneak into your mind and have a field day by making you feel like poop.
Hey, it’s totally normal. You are going to get jealous. We all do. It’s what you do with the jealousy that matters. Watch this video and learn how to make jealously your fuel instead of your downfall.
I think we’ve all been there. A tough time. A decision so big and confusing that it’s paralyzingly. Suddenly, you’re your own worst enemy. If you haven’t been there, good. If you are naturally consistently stable and cheery, good for you. Please, carry on and enjoy your day. If you are sometimes grumpy, moody, sensitive or experience less than ideal emotional circumstances, welcome. I love you. I’m happy we are in this together. Everything is going to be ok.
Not often, but occasionally, I get really overwhelmed, sad and confused. Like, bad. Like, I’ll go for a hike alone, hear a rustle in the woods and think, “If that’s a mountain lion and I’m about to be mauled and eaten right now, that might be for the best.”
Luckily, I’m a self improvement ninja, and I’ve learned some handy tools for combating crippling confusion and moderate depression.
Marie Forleo says, “Clarity comes from action, not thought.” That hits the nail on the head. You aren’t always going to know what to do, what direction to go, what next move to make. That’s ok. The key is to try something, anything. Get going. You won’t figure it out stuck in your head.
But, where to start when you’ve been confused so long that you’re stuck, sinking deeper into the mucky, sticky recesses of your own brain? Here’s my tip on what to do when things seem desperate.
HOW TO GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY
Let things get very quiet if possible. Distance yourself from the voices and opinions of others. Focus in on your heart. I find walks and bathtubs to be the best place to do this, but pick your pleasure.
Start focusing on your thoughts. Try being the audience to your thoughts, instead of your usual participant. Pay attention to how each thought makes you feel. For example, thoughts like this probably make your heart feel heavy: “Gah, I feel shitty. I’m so fucking confused…” Chances are that your heart feels heavy, like the thought is pressing down on your chest, making it hard to breath if you are having thoughts like that one.
Acknowledge how the thought makes you feel and move on.
Your mission is to go on a scavenger hunt in your heart. You’re looking for a little spark of fire. You’re looking for a thought that gives you even a pin prick of excitement. Even if the vast majority of your thoughts are negative, you only need to find one, tiny thought that has an ounce of possibility, hope or excitement in it.
It doesn’t matter if it’s crazy. If the thought of owning a goat farm lights you up, great. Conversely, doesn’t matter if the thought is totally low-key. The thought can be as mundane as making pancakes or buying a new color of nail polish. All that matter is that it catches your interest and is something you want to do.
Hold on to the spark when you find it. Let yourself dream. Ruminate on the thought. Expand the thought. Let the thought fuel your energy.
The spark is your intuition. The spark will lead you back to certainty and happiness but only if you get moving.
Take action. Make a move. You don’t have to upheaved your whole life and buy a goat farm, but you can if you want. You can just google pictures of goats or visit a local goat farm. Whatever you do, make sure you are taking literal, physical action. Leave the couch, and go buy that nail polish. Make yourself some pancakes, even if it’s 3:30 pm and you just had a snack.
The action will make you feel better. The action will lead to the next good thing. Stay focused on looking for sparks in your heart. Remain committed to taking action.
If you find yourself stuck in your head again, go on another scavenger hunt in your heart. Remember, the goal is to get into action and constantly be on the lookout for sparks. What sounds good? What sounds fun? What makes you feel alive? Do it! Take a chance. Take some risks. It’s better that being depressed and stuck, waiting to be eaten by a mountain lion.
Keep moving forward and, eventually, you’ll get your groove back. It all starts with doing a scavenger hunt in your heart, looking for your fire. All you need is one tiny spark to get the fire going again.
Love you, badasses.
Good luck on your scavenger hunt. Let me know how it goes.
Do you feel overwhelmed sometimes? Like your life is going crazy and you’re just in survival mode, not thriving mode? It happens to all of us sometimes. Hell, it’s happening to me right now. Some big changes are happening and I feel like I’m just holding on for dear life. I’m not feeling very badass these days, but, hey, that’s why it’s called BECOMING a Badass, not I’m a Badass Because I’ve Got Everything In Life Figured Out and I’m Perfect.
I’ve learned that when I’m overwhelmed and feel like I’m on the brink of losing my mind, it’s best to stop, drop and make a list. If you’re already a list maker, you know what I’m talking about. If you aren’t a list maker, this is your come to Jesus moment. Lists will revolutionize your life. Lists can take you from a bonkers basket case to an in control badass.
So, here’s How to Make a Badass List When Life Get’s Crazy.
Step 1. BRAIN DUMP
Put everything you’ve got floating around in your head down on paper. List out everything that you need/want/think you should get done. No editing. This is a brainstorming-style brain dump. The goal is to get it out of your head and onto the paper.
Step 2. Prioritize
What really needs to be done? What needs to be done today or very soon? What can be put off until later? Your goal here is to make the list a manageable length. Pick the top 3-7 things that need to be done today and put them on a separate list. Decide what needs to be done first, second, etc. You can keep the rest of the list to refer to tomorrow or another day, but today, you are just going to do what needs to be done today.
Step 3. Break It Down
Take each thing that you need to get done and break it down into the smallest steps. For example, if you need to get your car ready to go on a road trip, that is too big of a task to be on your list. Break the step down into smaller actions, such as, get oil changed, clean out clutter, vacuum interior.
Step 4. Make It Actionable
Each item on your list should be proceeded by an action verb. You can’t mom. You can call mom, you can buy mom flowers but you can’t just mom. Make sure each item on the list has a clear action. Making each item actionable will keep you from wasting time, or worse yet, getting swept back into confusion.
You now know what you need to do, when you need to do it, and what you are going to do to get it done. Boom. You can get back to Becoming a Badass. Everyone gets overwhelmed. Life can be crazy, especially if you are going after big dreams, but you can have an arsenal of tactics at your disposal for dealing with the cray-cray. List making is a great one. I hope next time life feels like it’s about to run you over you can stop, drop and write a list.
Love you, badass.
Does the untimely death of Robin Williams have you wondering, how can someone so successful be so unhappy? I can’t get that question out of my mind.
It’s obvious that career success doesn’t always equal happiness. That’s why it’s important to cultivate your happiness and your success. Watch the video to accept this weeks happiness challenge. Let’s all consciously cultivate our happiness in honor of Robin Williams. He was a man who brought happiness to so many but wasn’t able to bring it to himself.
Accept the challenge.
Cheers to making your own success and happiness.
It’s easy to get caught up in negativity and frustration when you are making a big change in your life, especially with your job. Don’t let your attitude hold you back from making positive changes and getting a career you love. Watch this video to see how you can brainwash yourself for positivity and change your life for the better.
Click to watch the video.
Check out this quick video on how gratitude can get you ahead in your career. Seriously, gratitude is like the secret sauce that makes everything better and more potent. Giving thanks improves your happiness, quality of life and even your career prospects. Click on the video to learn one simple move that will get gratitude working for you.
I’d love to hear what you think about gratitude and the power of a thank you note in the comments below.
How vulnerable are you willing to be to go after the life you want?
I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be a teacher. I don’t know how to be a leader. I don’t know how to market. I don’t know how to spread the word. I don’t know how to be successful. I don’t know how to handle more than I’ve ever been faced with. I don’t know how to balance being a wife, an entrepreneur, a part time worker, a future mother (not pregnant yet, slow down, but the thought is there), a person with a great group of friends, a home owner (again, don’t have it yet, slow down).
All I’ve ever really had going for me is that I get so scared and sad and trapped feeling that eventually I realize I either have to give up and give over to the feeling of a decaying life, or I have to leap. I have to just start trying really hard to do something exciting and worth living for even though it could be the biggest mistake of my life. I could be setting myself up for my biggest embarrassments and failures, but, what other choice do I have?
I can let fear win. I can settle for boredom. I can settle for living in a way that doesn’t feel good, that feels like a slow death, or I can try for something better.
So, I leap. I become really vulnerable. Hell, I’m vulnerable right now. That’s what all those “I don’t know” sentences were about. I’m being vulnerable because I really want to inspire you to be vulnerable. I want to support your vulnerability.
I can’t be the only one who frequently comes to this point of fear. I know I’m not.
You are not alone if you wake up and think, “Is this all there is? Can I survive another day of feeling unattractive, unsuccessful, unpopular, poor, unhappy, unmotivated, too old, not enough, lonely, trapped, bored, like my life is going no where?”
Identify with that list or have additions to the list?
It’s ok. You’re ok. Actually, you’re in a great spot.
You just found your vulnerability point. You just found your pain. You’re staring at your cold hard truth.
You may be all wrapped up in pain and disappointment and fear. It may be all over you, hiding the light and hope. You might be so tightly bound in all these horrible, negative, bad feelings that you feel like you are being slowly choked by your own life. Or, you might just feel a slow, creeping decay. You’re fine, but you feel like you’re on a downward slope. Being taken under a millimeter at a time. You don’t know where you’re headed but you have an inkling that it’s not good. The bad days are starting to out number the good.
Great! Why great? Why an enthusiastic great, at that? Why am I happy for you?
Because you are now primed to make a choice. You can give up. You can accept the horrible feeling, let it take over your life, let it become who you are, someone who doesn’t have hope, ambition, daring, dreams, and a willingness to take the next step or you can be vulnerable.
Vulnerability is looking at your pain, disappointments and fear and saying, “Ok. This is where I’m at. This is what I feel. What do I need to do to feel good again?”
Do you need to ask for a raise? Do you need to work harder at a job that is just ok to get to a job that inspires you? Do you need to apply to a job you are only 30% qualified for but want 170%? Do you need to start working out at a gym even though you’ll jiggle on the treadmill? Do you need to start wearing clothes that make you feel pretty even though you’re scared that you could never be pretty? Do you need to start a blog even though you failed every grammar test in the 7th grade? Do you need to slow down and start making conscious choices instead of drunk choices?
What brave step do you need to take in order to give yourself a shot at the life you want? What do you feel bad about? What’s making you feel ashamed of how you are spending your days? What needs to change?
Where do you need to take a chance and be brave?
Intense questions, but I bet the answers are less scary and huge than you imagine.
You don’t have to be a bazillionaire. You don’t have to be a movie star. You don’t have to be president.
The way I see it, your only responsibility is to feel good about how you spend your days and the life you are creating.
A morning walk, five minutes of meditation, smiling at a stranger, revising a resume, taking a night class, signing up for online dating, speaking up at a meeting, volunteering…
One little step into your vulnerability can set you free.
If you are feeling trapped, bored, depressed, hopeless, whatever, there is a next step. You can either embrace your vulnerability and be brave or you will live trapped by your vulnerability.
I want you to take a chance. I want you to be brave.
Partially, I want this so that I’m not alone in my journey. I have to be brave. I have to keep badassing-up because when I don’t, I feel awful. When I do I’m frequently embarrassed and hurt, but I feel alive. I feel myself growing. I feel progress and I always end up someplace better than I was. I end up proud of myself and the person I’ve become.
Then, the cycle starts again.
But, mainly, I just want to live in a world where people feel good. I want to be inspired by your life. I’m a very sensitive person and I can feel your pain. I think I was born this way because I’m supposed to help you feel better.
I want you to have some good stories to talk about when you get old. I want you to go to work and not zone out. I don’t want you to spend 1/3 or more of your life numbed out, trying to shut it all out until happy hour or vacation.
I want you to wake up, feel a spark inside and think, “Another day, another chance to make my life a little better.”
So, are you willing to be vulnerable? Are you willing to take the next step?
Come on. Do it. Let’s all become badasses together.
I’d love to hear from you. Messages, comments, coming up to me when I’m out and about. What’s your next step? Can I help?